So, it seems as though it’s been quite some number of days since I had the desire to sit in front of the computer and let my fingers ever so eloquently type out some random bullshit that at that very moment was passing through the neural passages of my cerebral cortex. I don’t believe this to be because I had nothing to share, I’m actually quite positive I had a few worthy blogging ideas in the past couple of weeks; it just seems that I somehow contracted a ferocious variation of the demon plague *dun dun dun* that has been released upon humanity as of late and I really found myself in a curious state of self preservation, which in all honesty led to me not really feeling like doing much of anything, writing being one of the activities on a long list of many that needed to be accomplished poste haste.
I know that one of my worthy writing topics was a reflection, like if I could look back a year ago to the day and like “beam me up scottie” to myself what would i tell myself. like what do i know right now that would really help me out a year ago. for me personally i would tell myself “holy crap run the fuck away from “the ruler” as fast as you can, that fuck is more trouble then he’s worth.” and that information a year ago would have drastically changed my entire existence. However it definitely somehow leads me to tonight’s interesting happenings.
I’m sitting in a friend’s office, elbows deep in; probably our third game of rummy 500, when my phone rings. I look at the screen of my iPhone almost irritated that my mother was calling me and that made the dubstep that was playing stop. I continue to answer the phone thinking that she was probably calling to ask the last time I had walked the dog (which today i hadn’t done since i left around 230.)
“Hey, what ya doing”,my mother is kind cheery when she asks, which already kind of sends a shutter of fear down my spine.
“playing cards with a friend, why whats up?”
“well i’m sitting here with the psychic and she wants to talk to you, is that ok?”
“yea, mom, give me a few minutes while i locate my magic 8-ball, ouija board and a few tapers”
she hands the phone to the psychic, who in fact laughed at my 8-ball joke. she tells me that i came up in her cards with writing, like I enjoy writing or i do write, or something…(k, yea, ironically I did just start blogging, so what, my mom did kind of poke fun at it, maybe it was said in passing conversation, please continue oh, mystical one)
she continued on to say that social media will be my key, like i need to take me and my quirky wittyness to a marketing or advertising firm and show them…write quips or catch lines to generate business, she suggested even started a facebook/twitter with quippy little things about the company i already work for….she continues on to say that in a year and a half I will start my own business…i will continue on to be a writer, i will make the New York Times best seller list once for an adult novel, and then multiple times in a decade or so for a series of children’s books that I am going to write about my 2 future children that I am going to have with my future husband….Really, psychic chick, i’m pretty good with the 2 i already have….
now it’s strange, slightly that I did just recently start blogging, and that I do have that glorified dream of one day sitting in starbucks with my macbook covered in stickers writing my next novel while seeing people reading my first novel….but that’s all it is, a glorified dream, an artistic vision of stardom….I learned about probability in 8th grade, the law of probability suggests that me becoming
Option A) a business owner and/or
Option B) a New York Times best selling author
are in fact slim to none.
I think there is better statistical chances of me being the next american idol! Just saying. Psychic chyckiepoo suggests I go to market reps/advertising firms, just open up a phone book and playing “eenie minee mo” and call them up…..
saying what exactly?!?!?
I have no experience in marketing or advertising; my experience is all in medicine, CAUSE THATS WHAT I DEDICATED MY LIFE TO 7 YEARS AGO.
These companies have recruiters that scan twitter and facebook, and tumblr to find new quirky, unique blips, and ya know, mine has not been found yet so i doubt calling them up and being like, “hey so this psychic told me to call you cause i’m witty and make funny quips” is going to get the warmest of responses from the receptionist..
my name and number will be written on her fluorescent post-it note pad in purple sparkly gel pen, ya know the ones you would have been all kinds of excited to get in middle school…and promptly forgotten on the pile of a 1,000 or more pathetically hopeful individuals.
What strikes me as even more ludicrous….my mother, sounds almost supportive….like i say “i guess it just scares the crap out of me because well, it’s more likely to fail then succeed in the business of marketing/advertising/writing.” Her answer was utter insanity, “but at least if you fail you can say you tried”
wait, wait, ho, hey, whoa!!!! ?(for those of us older then 15, REWIND) my mother just told me to pursue a career in which I am more likely to completely fall flat on my face then ever succeed in, all because of what a psychic said, a psychic whom she paid, and didn’t stop her on the street and say ‘omg blah blah blah, these are not paid actors fine print bullshit’. Apparently she wants me living here, pitiful, bankrupt and completely broke forever…..
I can see now why Poe turned to alcohol, and Lewis Carroll dropped acid, this starving artist thing is bullshit……(Which, completely unrelated note, happy birthday to the master of the written horror Edgar Allan Poe, it was yesterday.) Like seriously, wth?!?!?
What does one do with this information? Well for about 30 minutes i kind let my heart swell, thinking “ha, that’s cool, I always wanted to be a new york times bestseller” and like ok so what, i always joked that one day i am going to write an autobiography and it would be a new york times bestseller, but so what, isn’t that any writers **big dream** ‘insert twinkle fairy dust sound’
I really don’t know, what to do or think, i suppose i will just continue on my merry way of blogging and see where it leads. Maybe she’s right….maybe in the next 10 years everything in my life will make perfect sense, and i will become a “J.K. Rowling” sensation…but at this moment, me and Sinatra are gonna go find my pillow cause tomorrow, I have to go back to reality, where i really just teach CPR…. LOL